He is 2!

Well, almost. As of tomorrow morning anyway, but considering that tomorrow I have to work and I am wide awake at night now, this is as close as it is going to get. Sniff. My sweet little boy is 2, I just spent a good hour looking through pictures of the last 2 years, and it really has flown by. 2 years ago, this was little Julian Miles. An almost 9 lbs little boy that almost swore me off of having anymore children (please let the next baby NOT be posterior...).
And now look at him! I have more recent pics from today but that would involve getting up and getting the camera. Besides, I'm still denying his haircut, what was supposed to be a tiny trim at a salon last week, ended up in them cutting off most of his hair in a cut that my 8 year could of done a better job at.

We celebrated his birthday today. A day full of chocolate and trains, his favorite things. He is already far less attached to me then the girls were at this age. He cries when his sitter leaves, and cries when I make him go to bed to with me every night instead of his dad. He already will and has slept with Ryan with no fuss. He loves music, loves to dance. Anything that has wheels and moves. He spends his days playing with all his trucks and trains. He loves chasing his sisters, although does get annoyed that they are noisy and pester him, he prefers to be left alone. Now that it is warmer and this year he can walk, he has discovered the outdoors. If he could spend all day driving his trucks up and down our street, he would be a very happy boy. And swinging. He can sit and swing for hours, you get tired of it FAR before he ever will.

He does get frustrated at his minimal communication skills and will hit and throw things at me to convey that frustration. His little temper is small though, and he very quickly moves past things. And then he breaks out that beaming smile and laughs for no reason, just because he can.

Julian

And Julian's pic didn't make it in the long post so he gets one of his very own. He really is such a sweet little guy, very mellow. I had to do an emergency home visit Wed morning, I had no choice but to drop him off with a sitter that he doesn't know at all and dash. I came back 2 hours later to him refusing to leave her side and crying when I picked him up to leave. I think he would go home with the mail man if I let him! He just loves everyone, and tagging along with his siblings. Still no talking after 4 months of speech therapy, he can say mama and sign more, other then that he has various noises he makes when he really wants something, and he has gotten excellent at making all sorts of expressions to get his point across. I was getting worried that when his IEP expired in early June, that he wouldn't qualify for speech therapy anymore, but at this rate, he isn't close to meeting a single goal so the chance of that happening is rapidly disappearing. He is able to understand more and more of what we say, he can follow simple instructions now, nod no, but he just does not verbally communicate often. He is fairly quiet and rarely even babbles, I guess it remains to be seen if this is just him, his low muscle tone affecting his speech this much, a combo of both, or something else.

March

So this is what happens with 3 children. You start going through pics of the last several months and realize that some how one child got the short end of the stick. This is the only picture I could find of Gabrielle, oops. She has preferred to be on the other side of the camera and I could show probably 200 pictures that she has taken with the camera! She actually started going to preschool again here and there. At Madeline's school in the amazing little preschool room they have where they grind their own grain for snacks. Heck, I want to go there! It's my kind of place where the kids run around bare foot and explore up the hillside and out of sight at times. My goal for now is just to keep it low key, end this school year on a good note so that when next August rolls around, Gabrielle has a new sibling, and school starts back up that she will have pleasant memories of previously attending. Mostly since I do need childcare on days I work and finding a sitter is hard enough now, forget if I had 3 small children for them to watch.

I love this picture. And I also see that Madeline and Julian will have the same body type.

Still loving snowboarding. This was her 1st place prize for a race, 2nd place came in at double her time... She discovered the terrain park late this season and is learning how to jump and ride the rails. She came home last weekend after having flown by and passed ski patrol on a sleep slope, sounds about right, there are not too many adults that can keep up with her now. I certainly couldn't anymore. Next year I guess it is snowboarding team time, more then likely at Telluride which will require quite the commitment. Telluride has the extreme backcountry runs that Ryan prefers and the closer option doesn't.

Yep! New as of this week, she can really read! Madeline has been reading for a few months but at the see spot run level. She reads with her therapist but rarely has chosen to at home. I've never pushed but rather left easy reader books lying around, sometimes she will ask to read to me, but not often. I guess the unschooler inside of me isn't completely dead because I've just waited, wanting her to do it on her own. She discovered this fairy book series a couple months ago, they are not easy reader, but rather advanced. I've been reading them to her here and there but back to the 3 children thing, there isn't always enough time to read as much as she'd like. We did our weekly trip to the library on Tuesday and she found one of the fairy books there. And this is what she did with it! I cried. It has been 2 long years working towards this, 4-5 hours of language therapy a week. She read 20 pages that night and has read every chance she has got since. For the first and last time tonight, I pulled into the driveway only to turn around and drive the 45 minutes round trip back to school because she left her book in the desk. I couldn't bear to left her go all weekend without it when she is so excited about reading.

Halfway through all ready, And yes there is only one in there, I can't count how many times I've been asked that. It is going to be a long summer I think, if I am already this big and waddling around in March.

Let's try this again!

I have a very good reason for not keeping up like I swore I would. I do really! Last baby has been busy sucking my life away, or maybe that is just how it feels? Due in early August and the little bugger is already performing gymnastics events in there. I've been slow announcing this time for multiple reasons. When you get to #4, you feel like you've uttered those words a few times before. I guess I am feeling a little defensive about the pregnancy. It isn't like it is a secret that all my children have some mild special needs, and yes I am quite busy. I am already aware of all that and I have not been interested in hearing it from others. Now that I am in the second trimester, it isn't possible to wear baggy clothes and pull off the look anymore so I've been starting to tell some here and there.

Timing is eh to me. This will be my closest spacing, 2years and 3 months between Julian and new baby. Julian with his current delays really is just a large baby himself. Ever since Julian was born I had been going back and forth, do I have to have another. There was no question in my mind with the first 3, they needed to be here. Some days I thought I could possibly get by with the three, and other days I'd look in my rearview mirror and see the heads and think one was missing. I had always said 3-4 children and we'd decide after #3. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't go on to have another and then seriously regret it in a few years and have another then. That is not want I wanted to do. As much as I love babies, I've had a baby for 8 years now, part of me wants to move on with my life, starting enjoying having older children, get rid of the massive amount of baby/toddler gear I have stored in the garage. I want to close this chapter of my life and move on with no regrets. I didn't think that would be possible without having another child.

Ryan and I were in serious talks about having another child, I did want Julian to be a bit older, when I discovered I was already pregnant and had been for some weeks. Which certain explains why I had been feeling like crap for a while. Never had a pregnancy where I still got periods before! Obviously we were open to the possibility of another child then or else some preventing would of been occurring. Honestly for me, it was nice to have the pressure removed from having to make the decision to actively try to get pregnant and to discover there was no deciding of what was the right time, etc... It was rather freeing for a person that is a compulsive planner. So there it is, and maybe that I am feeling more human again I might be blogging more and maybe you shouldn't hold your breath either.

Merry Christmas!

Next year I promise to spend more time blogging! I miss it, I keep thinking things will slow down and next week, next month, I will have more time, but that doesn't ever look likely. And I need to take more pictures, I am finding a month will go by without me picking up my camera, oops....

Madeline is doing so well this year. She is back to tearing up the slopes on her board this winter. She has jumped FOUR reading levels this school year already, she is at first grade, month one placement currently. She still has years of therapy ahead of her but she doesn't balk at doing it daily, it opens up a whole new world to her. We will start in 2011, the massive paper trail that is needed to get her always classified as dyslexic, this will allow her to receive alternative testing options, etc... for all of her school years. This will not be an issue for some time but come high school/college, it will be a must. This will be her last year with her beloved teacher who teaches a 1st/2nd combined class, next year Madeline will move on to the 3rd/4th class which will probably be more of a challenge for her, higher expectations, etc...

Gabrielle turned 4 in October. I can't remember what I went over in my last update, she only lasted at preschool for a short time. She just wasn't ready, wanted to be with Mama, I don't blame her. She is learning how to ski, loves tap dancing and gymnastics. She is much more interested in books then Madeline was at this age and will sit and "read" to herself for hours at a time. She loves just hanging out at home with me, she is certainly more of a homebody then Madeline is.

Julian is 20 months, and really the sweetest boy ever. He is no longer easy like he used to be. We discovered that he is rather delayed, especially in speech but he has issues in other areas as well. The evals he had this month put him at 12-13 months, so a good 6+ months behind. He doesn't talk at all, barely babbled, after he started speech therapy, he is rapidly trying to babble more. He will get 60 minutes of speech therapy for 6 months and get reevaluated. His gross motor skills are at 15 months, walking is difficult for him, he still will fall over if he is sitting with his legs out. He has seen 2 otho docs and multiple PTs this month about his legs, no one is in agreement about what to do with him. Both feet turn out, he walks on the side of one foot, nothing is abnormal in his bone structure, multiple x-rays of hips and feet turned up nothing. His gait is off, meaning he frequently has to stop and catch his balance, he just toddles around like a drunken sailer most of the time. Both ankles just collapse when he walks. We have been told everything from he will grow out of it to he has celebral palsy to he needs braces on his legs. What ever it is, I want to figure it exactly what we are going to do with his legs next month, focus on the communication, and then we see what happens.

As for Ryan and I, we are doing well. Busy. His work never ever slows down, he travels a lot more now, about a week a month in addition to his normal crazy schedule. My job is going, some months it is fine, others I feel it it is too much for what we have going on. I have been pleased with my decision to withdraw form grad school, I am sad, but now is not the right time.

Madeline writes

So I am lying in bed tonight attempting to go to sleep and instead I kept thinking about how far Madeline has come in the last year. A year ago after she started working with her wonderful language therapist, she started to recognize letters and very slowly started learning them. She has therapy 5 days a week year around, in the school year her therapist goes to her school, in the summer she comes to our house at 7:30am. Early yes, but at least it goes doesn't ruin our entire day, we have the option of the entire day ahead of us afterwards. Next summer I think lots of this will be in her future!

Progress has been slow but Madeline is getting there. In the last couple months, she has really taken off, it is thrilling to watch her world open up. She attempts to sound out words, can read some here and there, can write sentences with assistance.

Madeline isn't at grade level and won't be for a while, but she is close to a 1st grade level which for her, is huge. She still has years of therapy ahead of her, every single little thing has to be painstaking taught to her, she does not easily grasp any reading concept. Next year we will start working on the paperwork and paper trail that is required in order to always have her dyslexia accommodated. She will require things like verbal testing, extra time to write, etc... for the rest of her academic career.

end of the summer

I can't believe it is August, end of August actually. School starts next week, the summer flew by way too quick, we didn't get to do a fraction of what we wanted to do. I spent all of July studying for an exam. Madeline discovered a new sport that she loves, kayaking! She was going down the river on her second day, white water on her 3rd. Madeline has talked Ryan into learning how so they are heading out tomorrow for his first lesson. Gabrielle is *supposed* to start preschool two days a week next week, we shall see... Julian is growing up so fast. He is just shy of 16 months, still doesn't walk or talk, but is such a cheerful little boy.

Ryan's family has chosen not to be involved in our lives for the majority of our relationship. He had a neighbor as a child that was heavily involved in his life and has continued to be. Our children has known him as a grandparent, he eats dinner with us often, is included for all holidays, and worked for Ryan for the past 5+ years. We managed to get him to retire in May, he was unable to work any longer. He ended up having a double bypass the last week of June, we got a call early August 4th from the ICU. He had a major cardiac incident, spent two weeks in the ICU. It was very touch and go, he was on life support, we made the decision to remove it and see what happened. He is still in the hospital and is not doing well, along with the physical issues, dementia is rapidly settling in. He has no family, and only a couple friends so the vast majority of the work has fallen to us. He is getting transferred to a nursing home next week, long term prognosis is not good. All the arrangements, fielding the many confused phone calls from him daily, the social workers, doctors, the visits have been quite taxing on the family with no end in sight.