Let's try this again!

I have a very good reason for not keeping up like I swore I would. I do really! Last baby has been busy sucking my life away, or maybe that is just how it feels? Due in early August and the little bugger is already performing gymnastics events in there. I've been slow announcing this time for multiple reasons. When you get to #4, you feel like you've uttered those words a few times before. I guess I am feeling a little defensive about the pregnancy. It isn't like it is a secret that all my children have some mild special needs, and yes I am quite busy. I am already aware of all that and I have not been interested in hearing it from others. Now that I am in the second trimester, it isn't possible to wear baggy clothes and pull off the look anymore so I've been starting to tell some here and there.

Timing is eh to me. This will be my closest spacing, 2years and 3 months between Julian and new baby. Julian with his current delays really is just a large baby himself. Ever since Julian was born I had been going back and forth, do I have to have another. There was no question in my mind with the first 3, they needed to be here. Some days I thought I could possibly get by with the three, and other days I'd look in my rearview mirror and see the heads and think one was missing. I had always said 3-4 children and we'd decide after #3. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't go on to have another and then seriously regret it in a few years and have another then. That is not want I wanted to do. As much as I love babies, I've had a baby for 8 years now, part of me wants to move on with my life, starting enjoying having older children, get rid of the massive amount of baby/toddler gear I have stored in the garage. I want to close this chapter of my life and move on with no regrets. I didn't think that would be possible without having another child.

Ryan and I were in serious talks about having another child, I did want Julian to be a bit older, when I discovered I was already pregnant and had been for some weeks. Which certain explains why I had been feeling like crap for a while. Never had a pregnancy where I still got periods before! Obviously we were open to the possibility of another child then or else some preventing would of been occurring. Honestly for me, it was nice to have the pressure removed from having to make the decision to actively try to get pregnant and to discover there was no deciding of what was the right time, etc... It was rather freeing for a person that is a compulsive planner. So there it is, and maybe that I am feeling more human again I might be blogging more and maybe you shouldn't hold your breath either.

Merry Christmas!

Next year I promise to spend more time blogging! I miss it, I keep thinking things will slow down and next week, next month, I will have more time, but that doesn't ever look likely. And I need to take more pictures, I am finding a month will go by without me picking up my camera, oops....

Madeline is doing so well this year. She is back to tearing up the slopes on her board this winter. She has jumped FOUR reading levels this school year already, she is at first grade, month one placement currently. She still has years of therapy ahead of her but she doesn't balk at doing it daily, it opens up a whole new world to her. We will start in 2011, the massive paper trail that is needed to get her always classified as dyslexic, this will allow her to receive alternative testing options, etc... for all of her school years. This will not be an issue for some time but come high school/college, it will be a must. This will be her last year with her beloved teacher who teaches a 1st/2nd combined class, next year Madeline will move on to the 3rd/4th class which will probably be more of a challenge for her, higher expectations, etc...

Gabrielle turned 4 in October. I can't remember what I went over in my last update, she only lasted at preschool for a short time. She just wasn't ready, wanted to be with Mama, I don't blame her. She is learning how to ski, loves tap dancing and gymnastics. She is much more interested in books then Madeline was at this age and will sit and "read" to herself for hours at a time. She loves just hanging out at home with me, she is certainly more of a homebody then Madeline is.

Julian is 20 months, and really the sweetest boy ever. He is no longer easy like he used to be. We discovered that he is rather delayed, especially in speech but he has issues in other areas as well. The evals he had this month put him at 12-13 months, so a good 6+ months behind. He doesn't talk at all, barely babbled, after he started speech therapy, he is rapidly trying to babble more. He will get 60 minutes of speech therapy for 6 months and get reevaluated. His gross motor skills are at 15 months, walking is difficult for him, he still will fall over if he is sitting with his legs out. He has seen 2 otho docs and multiple PTs this month about his legs, no one is in agreement about what to do with him. Both feet turn out, he walks on the side of one foot, nothing is abnormal in his bone structure, multiple x-rays of hips and feet turned up nothing. His gait is off, meaning he frequently has to stop and catch his balance, he just toddles around like a drunken sailer most of the time. Both ankles just collapse when he walks. We have been told everything from he will grow out of it to he has celebral palsy to he needs braces on his legs. What ever it is, I want to figure it exactly what we are going to do with his legs next month, focus on the communication, and then we see what happens.

As for Ryan and I, we are doing well. Busy. His work never ever slows down, he travels a lot more now, about a week a month in addition to his normal crazy schedule. My job is going, some months it is fine, others I feel it it is too much for what we have going on. I have been pleased with my decision to withdraw form grad school, I am sad, but now is not the right time.

Madeline writes

So I am lying in bed tonight attempting to go to sleep and instead I kept thinking about how far Madeline has come in the last year. A year ago after she started working with her wonderful language therapist, she started to recognize letters and very slowly started learning them. She has therapy 5 days a week year around, in the school year her therapist goes to her school, in the summer she comes to our house at 7:30am. Early yes, but at least it goes doesn't ruin our entire day, we have the option of the entire day ahead of us afterwards. Next summer I think lots of this will be in her future!

Progress has been slow but Madeline is getting there. In the last couple months, she has really taken off, it is thrilling to watch her world open up. She attempts to sound out words, can read some here and there, can write sentences with assistance.

Madeline isn't at grade level and won't be for a while, but she is close to a 1st grade level which for her, is huge. She still has years of therapy ahead of her, every single little thing has to be painstaking taught to her, she does not easily grasp any reading concept. Next year we will start working on the paperwork and paper trail that is required in order to always have her dyslexia accommodated. She will require things like verbal testing, extra time to write, etc... for the rest of her academic career.

end of the summer

I can't believe it is August, end of August actually. School starts next week, the summer flew by way too quick, we didn't get to do a fraction of what we wanted to do. I spent all of July studying for an exam. Madeline discovered a new sport that she loves, kayaking! She was going down the river on her second day, white water on her 3rd. Madeline has talked Ryan into learning how so they are heading out tomorrow for his first lesson. Gabrielle is *supposed* to start preschool two days a week next week, we shall see... Julian is growing up so fast. He is just shy of 16 months, still doesn't walk or talk, but is such a cheerful little boy.

Ryan's family has chosen not to be involved in our lives for the majority of our relationship. He had a neighbor as a child that was heavily involved in his life and has continued to be. Our children has known him as a grandparent, he eats dinner with us often, is included for all holidays, and worked for Ryan for the past 5+ years. We managed to get him to retire in May, he was unable to work any longer. He ended up having a double bypass the last week of June, we got a call early August 4th from the ICU. He had a major cardiac incident, spent two weeks in the ICU. It was very touch and go, he was on life support, we made the decision to remove it and see what happened. He is still in the hospital and is not doing well, along with the physical issues, dementia is rapidly settling in. He has no family, and only a couple friends so the vast majority of the work has fallen to us. He is getting transferred to a nursing home next week, long term prognosis is not good. All the arrangements, fielding the many confused phone calls from him daily, the social workers, doctors, the visits have been quite taxing on the family with no end in sight.

June

I meant to do this early this month and never got around to it until someone reminded me about my monthly posting, thanks Sarah! We spent two weeks in Florida, our first real vacation in a very long time. I had rented a condo on the beach for 11 days and then we went to Orlando before flying out. The beach was a blast, the kids had so much fun. They spent all day every day outside playing. Our last night in the condo, Gabrielle got very ill and ended up in the ER. Out of all times she has ended up in the hospital, this was the first time that she had to go quickly. Usually I decide that she needs to go in, we gather our stuff, and head that way. This time I handed her to Ryan and told him he had to take her now, there was no time to get the other kids together. We ended up doing Disney with her lying in the stroller with a 102 temp, and then flying home with 3 sick children, always a joy especially with hours and hours of flight delays. But on to the beach....

Gabrielle spent her time befriending small creatures, birds, and this crab who actually followed her around for the better part of an hour!

Julian loved the sand and waves. He would crawl as fast as he could out into the waves, giggling every time a wave crashed into him.

Madeline spent all of her time like this.

And this.

And like this.

Ryan has yet to learn the art of relaxing.

It was a good vacation until the very end, we actually plan on doing it again very soon. Ryan has to do some work on a house in Cabo later this year and the owners have offered us all the use of their house, which I certainly will take them up on!

and one for May

Since May is almost over, I guess it is time for me to make an appearance. Just doing the usual and then some has kept me busy. My program at the health dept is up and running. I put in over 40 hours already this month training, creating forms, etc... 40 hours doesn't sound like much but for someone who doesn't have regular childcare, and a baby who is a night owl, it was tough. A little over half of those hours was in-office time without children, from now on my work time will be much less and much more child friendly.

I have to admit that I really enjoyed working professionally again. I have "worked" over the years with LLL but it is almost always with children in tow. I speak at meetings, present topics to various groups, with a baby or toddler attached to me, this was different and I loved it. Not enough to actually commit to doing it more, I do admit that 2 different positions become available at the health dept that I was qualified for and would of loved to have, I entertained the idea for 2 seconds knowing that I enjoy being around daily for my children more than I want to be working outside the house (mostly) right now.

Juggling the program I now supervise, studying for an exam this summer, and 3 children has made me realize that I can do more. I am seriously considering going for my masters in science/nursing. I already have spoken with a university that accepted all of my old college credits, I am short 3 classes to be admitted to the program. I had tested out of Biology and math 11 years ago when I was taking classes for nursing, now I need those credits and doubt I can pull off testing out at this point in my life. I am giving myself some more time to mull it over before I commit, this is something I do want to do, just is this the right time? I wouldn't start until the fall, I need to finish my current studying first!

because...

I am posting because apparently it has been a month since I have had the time! Next week or later this week *might* be calmer so maybe I will be back later. Job is in full swing, I have hired NINE peer counselors! yes, you read that right. 4 are guaranteed a position, one is conditional, and the rest will be trained and then placed on inactive status waiting for a position to open up. It has been rough coordinating everything, baby, activities, all the calls, office time, etc... And I thought I was always on the phone previously, I truly have reached another level now with that, I feel like one of my 3 phones is always ringing.

One of the perks of working in lactation is that no one minds a nursing baby! I have Julian brought to me every few hours to eat and he has been doing well with it. I am in a lull at the moment, employees hired, I put them through a 25 hour training in May, and right now I am just slowly working on training material, and lining up job shadowing. I am looking forward to June, everyone will be trained and other then 3 meetings a month, my job will be mostly at home.