37 weeks

Everything is ready, I think. I'm tired and not sleeping much at all. I'm really ok if this thing decides to vacate soon. 

Despite all the extra weight gain this time, my belly looks the size as it did with Gabrielle which means I *might* get a 7lb baby if I'm lucky. She was 6lbs 11ozs, Madeline was 6lbs 13ozs. Apparently I'm just not meant to grow larger babies. 

Birth arrangements have panned out to my and Ryan's liking. The midwife will come if she is available, if not then I have the option of just phone support or her student which I know and would be ok with. If she does come then she will stay downstairs, I have my birthing space all ready to go upstairs, I don't even have to see her if I don't want to. 

getting there

Not much time left so we are getting prepared! The family activity this morning was setting up my pool, of course it had to be child approved, which is was. 

Gabrielle is quite the little ham for the camera these days. 

I'm really pleased with my fishy pool. It's deep enough, the sides are very sturdy, it retains the heat excellent, and the bottom is really cushy. I used an AquaDoula for Gabrielle's birth and had a number of complaints about it. The sides were too hard to lean against, it was too deep, I couldn't sit on the bottom without my face being in the water, and the bottom was very uncomfortable to kneel on. 

I had a blessingway last night! It was unexpected, and wonderful. I went out to dinner last week with a woman that I know from the center where I hold my LLL meetings at, I don't know her that well, and I was surprised when she decided to throw me one. It had to be this weekend since she was leaving for Hawaii today for several weeks (I'm so jealous!), I doubted anyone would come, but they did. I couldn't get a good pic, the light in this house bites, but they painted a gorgeous flower on my belly. 

Plan B

After a very long week, and another one next week, I think we've narrowed down other options for Madeline as far as schooling goes. First choice is still hoping that the school gets more young students and then she can go there. I have two choices after that, and will need more investigating to see if we can make them work. There is another private school that is willing to work with us. They have a K/1st grade combined class so it doesn't matter that Madeline is more of a K student then a 1st grader. That teacher is also the principal, I met with her and she is fully aware of all of our issues and didn't shy away. She had three students this year with SPD, and she decided to undergo some training for it to better help those students so I know she is willing to go out of her way to met the students where they are at. The main reason that I am even considering this school is because they do have other dyslexic students and are fine working around special arrangements. If Madeline went to that school, and a big if, then we would be having a private OG tutor come in for her an hour every day to work with her, and the school is more then happy to work around that. A major bonus to this option is that the private school has an arrangement with the local district to use their computers/library, in order to do that, the students are also enrolled in the school district. That could make it much easier for us to receive services for Madeline. A big drawback for me though is that it is a Christian school, which we are not.

The other option would be to enroll her in the online program that the public school has here where once again she would be a public school student but she could be at home with me. I would still have to get a private OG tutor and make that work 5 days a week, since the very limited options for tutors require a commitment at that level. 

I'm considering the other private school for a few reasons, the tutor would come there, eliminating dragging a toddler and baby to a daily session. Also the end result will be that Madeline hopefully goes to the original private school in another year, there is absolutely no way to reproduce what they can offer there at home or any other school, it really is an amazing school. I'm wondering if a transition year would be good for Madeline since that school might not be an option this year. Madeline has a huge fear of school, the dyslexia school was concerned about taking on a child that has never been in a school environment. I can't blame them, they are so small that they are not equipped to handle some issues. The second private school is aware of her anxiety and willing to work with us to ease her into school. We are on the waiting list there so we don't even know if that could be an option, they will decide in a month. 

I'm so tired

I'm tired of piecing together services, of fighting the system and people to get services, of constantly having to search out random people to hopefully get a referral to someone else that can help me. I'm tired but I can see it's only just beginning still. We had a meeting with the private school today, while they agree Madeline is dyslexic, they are reluctant to enroll her for the next school year. I understand their concerns and agree, they are valid, I would of been raising them as well. Madeline is the sole applicant so far for 1st grade for the 09/10 school year, to add to the issue, they have no 1st grade students this school year. The school is very small and most children are not diagnosed with dyslexia until they are older, I understand why after how hard it has been to get testing performed on Madeline. The school would not want Madeline to be the youngest child for two grades, I wouldn't want her to be either, as sensitive as she is, she would not fare well there. Hopefully they will get more students, but we can't count on it, and it could be something that we won't know for months so I have to move on to another plan.


After contacting another local mom, I have the contact into of a private tutor that might be willing to work with us on some issues. This might be the only solution for another school year that we have. which brings us to our next issue, the local company that contracts to the school district for services like speech, OT. The law states in CO that all students regardless of schooling (home, public, private) are entitled to services, the company is telling me otherwise. I finally got a meeting with them next week, I'm not hopeful that even if we get them to evaluate, that they will find anything. They have evaluated Madeline a couple of years ago and came back with nothing, hence the reason we have gone privately for everything up to this point. My major stumbling block is speech therapy, they are the only ones that offer it, and I want it for Madeline. I'm considering hiring an advocate to come to the meeting with us, someone who is familiar with the system and knows what to push for. Worse possible case, we'll have to do speech therapy in Denver, I already have that three week trip booked in June at the center, they also do speech therapy. It might be easier to just travel and pay for it then battling the school district but I'm going to try first.

one child down

I hope anyway. We have had sleeping arrangement issues, no matter what we've tried, it doesn't seem to work. Madeline has her own room, she happily slept in it for 8+ months, that of course that ended when the anxiety started last summer. Since then we've had musical beds, Ryan was in her room then she was in his room, and back and forth. Currently she has been sleeping in his room and her room has been sitting empty.



The next issue is that Gabrielle is sleeping with me. It wouldn't be an issue if she didn't wake up at the slightest little thing, but she does and it is a nightmare. She is not interested in sleeping with Ryan, she will slightly tolerate him if I am right there and she has a death grip on my hand. She has a hand fetish and insists on holding it to sleep and anytime she wakes up. Ryan can snuggle with her at times and I can get up and pee in peace without dragging her with me in the middle of the night. I still have to put her to bed, and put her back to sleep when she wakes up. There is the problem of the other child who wants Daddy sleeping with her so for the last couple weeks Ryan has been sneaking upstairs sleeping with us and then sneaking back down around 5-6 before Madeline wakes up. Very fun. I finally convinced Madeline to try sleeping in her room tonight, hopefully she will keep doing it. The addition of the cat helped!

34 weeks

I'm just full of posts today! Gabrielle has decided to break out in hives the last few days, no idea what that is about, so all she wants to do is sit on my lap. I finally got around to taking another pic, I swear that my belly was bigger a few weeks ago, clothes are fitting differently so I'm thinking baby must be lower now. I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that if baby decides to come at 38 weeks like Madeline and Gabrielle did, that is only 4 weeks away! It seems much too close. No real complaints right now other then lack of sleep and I still can't stand to nurse Gabrielle. I let her a few times a day but I can't say I enjoy it, even just her snuggling up against my breasts drives me insane. And the weight gain is slightly annoying, 35 lbs as of early last week, which is almost double what I gained with Madeline.... I almost forgot my only real complaint, Braxton Hicks contractions. I have them constantly, I did with Gabrielle as well. I was up at 5am this morning because they were just one after another and I can't sleep through them. I'm spending a lot of my time sitting down with my feet up, which helps slightly.


We met with the midwife Rebecca last week again. I'm feeling more at peace with her being at the birth, and finally managed to order the birth kit that I had been holding off on. My EDD is around her busy time so there is always a chance she will be at another birth, I'm refusing her backup midwife in my area. Both her and I are fine with that, if Rebecca can't make it and I feel like I need someone then she has a woman that has been training under her that I do know and would be ok with. Rebecca is laid back enough that I could tell her to hang out in the general area or be outside if I felt like it and she would be fine with it, I'm hoping to talk Ryan into considering it. I did one prenatal with her when she came over, just blood pressure and listening to baby so she can have a record that I at least did one. Now I'll just stay in touch and call when I go into labor.

Madeline is getting really excited about the new baby, Gabrielle not so much. She demands that "baby out now!", but she doesn't have a clue what is in store for her. She has regressed in some areas, very clingy and whiny, only Mama will do but that is do be expected. As far as what baby is, I have no idea. I'm starting to think it's a girl, which given my track record, must mean it's a boy. I thought both Madeline and Gabrielle were boys so I obviously have no idea.

work at my speed people

Blah! For two weeks I have been trying to organize another therapy trip to Denver this summer. I don't want to be committing to such a trip, 3 weeks, before this baby is even born but time matters. Anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel with small children knows that it sucks, I will do almost anything not to have to do that with 3 children now for 3 weeks. The townhouse that I had rented before is primarily reserved for families of the Star Center, which isn't where we are doing therapy through anymore. The woman that owns it had agreed to rent it to me during her non-busy months which is usually June or September. That house rents out fast and a week ago, May 31st-June 20 was open and she was willing to give it to me. The problem being that the center we have been working through doesn't book out that far in advance so it's been two weeks of me pestering them trying to get a yes or no. I *should* have an answer today, only as of last night, the town house had a reservation for June 14th and on so I've already lost a week there.


To add to the confusion is the gut wrenching decision that we very well might send Madeline to school next year and then maybe not need to travel this summer. There is a very small private school here that only accepts dyslexic or gifted students, and I do mean small, 22 students this year. This school would be our only option for Madeline to work with qualified therapists in our area and not have to travel. The school doesn't use the same program she has been working with in Denver but another one that is highly accredited for dyslexics, Orton Gillingham. Madeline has been responding very well to the Linda-Mood Bell LIPS program so it would require a switch and we'd have to hope that OG works for her.


I never thought that I would be considering sending her to school, I had always planned on homeschooling my children. For those of you that don't know, I homeschooled myself for 3 years of high school and swore up and down that I'd give the same to my children. I just wasn't expecting to have a child like Madeline, i can't meet her needs at home. If we lived somewhere different, with more resources, and I could get qualified therapists working with her, then I believe that we could still homeschool, but we don't and moving isn't an option because of Ryan's work. I'm let to work with what I have available in my area, which isn't much. The only people that could work with her are employed at this school, otherwise I have to keep on traveling. Traveling isn't feasible forever, it is highly expensive, our living expenses to do so cost more then the therapy does. 1-3 weeks here and there isn't enough, I can and am working with her at home but the programs are not easy to learn, it really takes a therapist trained in them to be able to do them. At Liberty, the dyslexic students receive extensive tutoring 1 on 1 in the afternoons in addition to the school following the OG program.


Schools don't work at lightening speed so we've been playing phone tag and talking to them. They agreed to set up an appointment for us, but now want all of her testing info first to look over, after that, maybe an interview. Sigh. Meanwhile I feel that I have to continue to arrange the therapy in Denver for the summer because I don't know if Madeline going to Liberty School will happen and if I abandon therapy plans then it will be too late and we'll be left waiting for months again. Oddly enough, the tuition for the school year is less then we've paid for therapy last year because they rely heavily on fundraising and volunteers.

no more incidents!

I think my family has met their quota of x-rays for a while. 4 in 5 weeks seems more then enough to me. The first two were for Gabrielle's clavicle then this week she went in for a chest x-ray due to a chronic cough she has had since early January (all clear by the way), and last was me yesterday for my foot. I managed to hit my right foot on an object injuring it enough that I can barely walk on it, not to mention that it hurts, a lot. It appears that I didn't break anything so now I'm just stuck hobbling around waiting for the swelling to go down. As if being 8 months pregnant already wasn't enough to screw with my center of gravity, not to mention all the extra weight I am carrying around, now this. We've been stuck at home since we got back from Denver because Gabrielle has had a nasty stomach bug the whole week, and now it appears she is getting a cold so I guess we still won't be doing anything for a while!


In other random news, Madeline has her first loose tooth! That surprised me, I wasn't expecting this yet. My baby is getting too big.

siblings

I have to roll my eyes when I hear comments about children having to be spaced close together or else they won't play together, those people obviously haven't been to my house. Yes, my girls do fight, all children do but they play together a tremendous amount and are a spacing that most consider not close, 3 years and 10 months. Madeline being the oldest is always the ring leader, Gabrielle follows along but she has definite opinions about what should be done and makes sure those are heard.

Madeline is also old enough to think about things Gabrielle might need, she will take her to the bathroom or fix her a snack because Gabrielle said she was hungry. At the playground, she carries her up to the slide on parts that she can't climb up. All of this I don't ask her to do, she just does. Madeline gets a stamp on her hand after gymnastics classes, almost always she asks her coach to give one to Gabrielle so she won't feel left out. Gabrielle now stands by the door waiting for big sister to come and carry her into the gym. And I just realized that my time stamp is messed up on my camera so ignore the dates! , and you will notice that Gabrielle has a friend in every single picture.